Thursday, September 29, 2011

Some pondering on the beauty of forgivness

When I struggle with forgiveness... 70 times 7 times I must forgive. It's easy to forgive a one time offense, but where did Jesus say to shun a brother or sister who is continuing to make mistakes? Where did he say that it's ok not to forgive someone who deeply hurt you? When do you read about Him spending his time and showing his love to all the "good" people? Never. He loved the broken, chastised the "holy men" and sacrificed His everything to reach out and touch those in need. So many times there is much more behind the scene.. that we judgmental humans don't want to see. Think about that before you slap a scarlet letter on your brother or sister who is crying out for help. Before tearing down someone for the mistakes they've made and continue to make, remember that we are supposed to be vessels of Christ's love, and He never leaves us, never gives up, never stops forgiving.. never stops loving us no matter how far we run, He's always there by our side.
Something to think about before you say words or take actions against a fallen brother or sister that you can't take back. The sick are the ones who need a doctor the most, likewise the fallen and broken are the ones who really need us to love and forgive them unconditionally. It's easy to love somebody who never wrongs you, but it's when you find yourself at the end of the sword that times get tough and you've still gotta forgive and love. Because forgiveness and love are gifts that keep on giving.. its when you pour yourself out that you're truly filled.
True forgiveness never expects anything in return. No return of forgiveness, no change.. Forgiveness is only whole if it's unconditional. The broken spirit doesn't just make a u-turn in life and live life perfectly from that moment foreward. It usually takes a long process of relapse and recovery to find itself whole again. How many times do we let God down EVERY DAY?? Does He stop loving or forgiving us? Even for a moment? As humans that's a hard concept to grasp. We throw around forgiveness with the tagged on condition that the offense not be made again. We expect a change before we will forgive. But that's not forgiveness at all. It's a selfish manipulation of a weak man's soul. Sure, total reconcilliation is never complete until repentance and forgiveness are joined together from both sides of the fence, but reconcilliation is not supposed to be our condition to forgive. Goal? yes. But wether or not it's ever attained carries no weight against our responsibility to forgive our enemies, forgive our closest brothers and sisters, over and over and over. And likewise to repent when we are the sword stabbing their heart back. To do our best to remove the log in our own eye before we go picking at splinters in somebody else's. 
So very often we push the needy away from Christ.. we look down on the sinner instead of loving the sinner no matter how much we hate the sin. We show human "love" when we feel loved, and are all too quick to cast judgement on a situation that may be far deeper than meets the eye. Instead, we should be loving and forgiving unconditionally so that we can be a light to the lost, a rope to the falling, a healing touch to the broken. No matter if that person accepts your forgiveness, no matter if the boat heeds the lighthouse.. our responsibility is to be there for them regardless of what they chose to do with it. By doing so we have fulfilled our responsibility before God and fellow man to do what is right regardless of reward, in spite of continued hurt, and without a promise of a better future for us. Putting aside our wants and needs and caring for the lowly and broken.. that's when you suddenly find a peace and joy that you never saw before. And you never know when Christ might just walk across your path disguised as the most lonely and broken soul on earth. So my challenge to you today is to learn from your mistakes, but don't hold them in contempt, just move on and do your best to avoid those pitfalls in the future. Because if you can't forgive yourself, you cant forgive anybody else, and you haven't truly accepted the everlasting forgiveness of your father in heaven. Life is too short to brood over the way people are gonna hurt you, it's too wonderful to spend even a moment in bitterness. It's too precious a gift to waste it away looking or demanding to be filled by someone else, because the only true path to feeling filled is to spend your life filling the needs of others, and before you know it, the circle will come back you the moment you stop expecting and demanding it. 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

This fragile life

It could have been yesterday, or ten years ago by this world's clock, but this story exists outside of time, outside of any dimention we are familliar with as we rush around in our busy lives. It could have happened in your own neighborhood, but would you have known it?
It was a dark night here on earth, clouds covered the sky and a new moon hid from sight far in outer space. But still, a worried father looked down on the broken heart of one of his children crying in a dark corner where she thought nobody would hear her. She'd never known her mother, only the picture she had found in the back of the basement gave her any idea what she had looked like. The day before had been a hard one, her father had come home drunk again, the bruises on her face still showed evidence of it. Scars on her wrists, still unhealed were a not so distant reminders of the pain she could not escape from no matter how hard she tried. Tonight, she was determined to escape. She trembled in emotional anguish, trying to block out the screams in her head. At fourteen years old, many would consider her still a child, but she had experienced more pain and hardships than most women four times her age. She looked down at the bump just beginning to show under her sweatshirt. Tonight marked four months since that horrible night in the basement, all she could really remember were the smells and sounds vividly emblazoned in her mind. There had been at least 4 or 5 of them, maybe more, she had lost conciousness long before it was over. She was too terrified to tell anybody, her father threatened to kill her if anybody found out. She took daily abuse at school by her classmates calling her fat, if only they knew the story behind the scenes.. if only.. if only they knew that she was being thrown into motherhood far before she was ready, in a world that many of them would do anything to pretend didn't exist.

She ducked her head as a few raindrops began to fall from the cloudy sky, nearly ignoring the way she was shivering from the cold. She had nothing left in her to feel anything anymore. No joy, no pain, just emptyness.

Underneath the tears she was a beautiful young woman, eyes that could win a person over in a moment if they had ever gotten the chance to sparkle, a smile that could have charmed a king, but it never got to show itself to the world, a heart as big as a mountain, that never knew love.

She stood up, turned down another ally and aimlessly wandered toward the river. She was out of options, she didn't know where to go. Another tear rolled down her cheek as she pulled her long dark hair to cover her face. She was so full of emotions, so inextricably tangled in thoughts running through her head, yet at the same time, empty and emotionless. She was at the bottom of the barrel, the end of the road, there was nobody to listen to her.

She came to the side of the river, a heavy rainfall all day had swollen it to it's brink. She stood there, staring into the dark, silently crying for help. A pair of headlights pulled up from the darkness of the forest across the nearby bridge. The driver turned to look at her, and drove off quickly with a look of disgust at the dirty clothes, the unkempt hair, the wild look in her eyes. She turned away, and with her heart racing, she walked off the ledge into the dark swirling water below, embracing the cold water as it closed her in, tossing and tumbling her tiny frame through the floodwaters. The pressure crushed upon her lungs, and before long they were filled with the icy cold water as her life slowly slipped out of her body, her unborn baby along with her.

My friend, that driver just might have been you. Two lives could have been saved that night if you had only let go of those judgemental thoughts, if you had only listened to that quiet voice in the back of your head. That child shares the same Father as you do, He wispers into your spirit to help out the helpless, but will you take the time to listen? This story doesn't have to end tonight, perhaps tomorrow you will come across that little girl, but will you take the time to stop?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Hey All

Don't know if anybody even reads this blog anymore.. I've lost a lot of friends over the past couple of years, mostly my own doing, but life goes on and I do still exist! :P I made a lot of mistakes in my day, but there's always forgiveness for every mistake waiting for the asking :) As George shaw once said: a life spent making nothing but mistakes is not only more homorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

I'll be posting some pictures soon, I can't do it from the computer I'm on right now...

As most all of you already know, I'm happily married, and loving life through the ups and downs. I've begun a long road of getting my life back where it needs to be and the progress feels great! Of course financial freedom would be amazing, but right now I'm focusing on getting myself where I need to be so I can be refreshed and ready for whatever life throws my way!

Hope somebody out there in the blogosphere remembers me and actually reads this!
Have a great week.. month.. year... life.. whatever. lol

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

This time of year has always been a happy one for me, and this year is no exception. This past year I've lost much of who I am, the hills of life have pulled me down, people who I trusted turned against me, love became empty and lifeless, but I've found myself again. As I ponder the gift of love God has given us, I realize how much love there is in my life and although the pain and difficulties have been hard on my soul, I've risen again and am truly happy this holiday season. I've found one who loves me for me, faults, craziness, dumb moments, hurtful things I've done, they all slip away into the shadows and the real me is back again. Gone are those who's "love" is simply for selfish desires and taking everything I am from me. This time I mean to keep myself, and only become a more full and happy version, rather than forming my personality to someone else's. For those of you who don't know, I'm dating a lovely young woman who actually trusts and cares for me, just as I am.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Did a few more mods on my car. How's it look?