Finally it's another episode of Matthew Beaty Advice/opinion column!

Well, I'm not sure, but I think the last time I posted one of this type of posts was when I shared my opinion of girls wearing makeup. Now I decided to share something that is very special and important to me- how to be in a relationship whether it be a friendship with a goal of someday courting, or a courtship, or even a dating relationship, and still remain pure and holy in the sight of God.
Many people ask me why I don’t take girls out on dates. A lot of girls would instantly accept such an invitation from me, so why not try it? The answer is simple. In a dating situation, the pressure is on to impress the date. Often dating couples put on a false front and talk about personal subjects while only telling the good parts. Besides all that, in a dating relationship, every time a couple goes out, they give a little more of their heart to the other person. Few if any married couples today dated only each other and nobody else before getting married.
Many people will argue that there is no other way to find out if someone would make a good spouse. However, that question is flawed because in a dating relationship, you never find out how the other person reacts in real-life situations. How they handle children, siblings, parents etc. It’s just as easy to just get to know somebody in a friendship, and just watch them closely to see how they act when you are around, and when they don’t know you’re there.
In my opinion, the old-fashioned way of preparing for a relationship and marriage is by far better than today’s broken system. Now when I say old-fashioned, I don’t mean strict and boring. I mean the idea of courtship. Before a courtship begins, the couple usually knows each other as good friends for a while. When they start realizing that their friendship could lead to something more, and everything looks good, assuming that they are close to being prepared to complete the courtship with a marriage if everything goes well, then it is time to begin a courtship. Usually in a courtship, the girl’s dad is the first to be asked for permission. This way, he won’t be telling a man he doesn’t approve of to stay away from his daughter after they are already in a relationship.
Many times, it's hard for a couple that is still in a friendship to know when to begin a courtship, and if they even should at all. Unlike dating, the idea of a courtship is to not have to "break up" if a couple is incorrectly matched and things go wrong, it's not a pretty picture. Therefore, a lot of prayer and time together should be spent before entering a courtship. One of the things that a lot of people, especially us guys struggle with is first, deciding what is ok for a friendship before it has become a courtship, and also to have the patience to wait for the fruits of a healthy relationship that come down the road as time passes. Really, there is no definition of the line between a courtship and a friendship as far as physical or emotional boundaries go. In fact, by definition, courtship is not even a defined period of time, but rather a season that gradually comes along when a pair of friends slowly realize that they may have a permanent future together. A courtship can last for years, even before the couple consciously realizes it. There is nothing that suddenly changes when a couple officially begins a courting period usually, depending on the rules that parents may have placed in prior years. The true meaning of a courtship is a friendship that has a purpose. With no goal, a friendship wanders around aimlessly forever, whereas a courtship has a very specific goal in mind. When a dating relationship begins, usually there is no goal set, other than to impress the opposite sex.
One of the downfalls to dating is the lack of good goals. Some dating relationships are great, and goals are set, but really, those dating relationships are a form of courtship. It's not the way that a couple spends time together that makes a difference between dating and courting as much as it is the condition of their hearts, and how well they are listening to God. Even friendships should have goals. If two great friends start realizing that they like each other a lot, they should be working towards the nearest goal: deciding if they should begin an official courtship. Then once a courtship begins, they should start setting goals of discovering if and when they should get married. Usually once the courtship is "official" it is a very short time before the couple gets engaged and married, because most of the work of learning about the other person is done during the unofficial part of the courtship, or as some people call it, the "just friends" part of a relationship. A courtship can begin at a very young age. Usually the official part of a courtship begins when the couple is very close to being prepared for a marriage, but the early stages of a courtship can begin in the young teens. My parents were courting when they were in the middle teenage years. I don't think they ever called any period of their time together a courtship, but that's what it was.
Some people know they are meant to be together forever after a very short period of time. Such was the case with my parents, as well as many other people I know. One of my favorite relationship stories is the story of how Michael W. Smith, a famous Christian music artist found his wife. He was working in his office when a lovely young lady walked past his open door doing some errand or something. Michael instantly called his mom exclaiming "I just saw the girl I'm going to marry!!" she asked what her name was, and he replied, "I don't know yet, but I'm going to find out!" and hung up, running down the hall to catch up with her. Six months later they were engaged, and now, over 20 years later, they are still very happily married. Others spend a lot of time barely noticing each other before they realize they are meant to be more than friends. It all depends on God's timing. It's harder when one of the two realizes it before the other, and can't really do much about it. However, this is a lot less common in a courtship than it is in a traditional dating relationship.
In a dating situation, the temptation to go beyond what is pure and right for a pre-marital relationship is very high. A couple is alone, in a place with nothing stopping them from doing things they will regret later, especially if things don’t work out between them and then they have the guilt of not having saved themselves completely when they do get married. In a courtship, much of the time together is spent with each other’s families. Many people say that if such is the case, a couple will never have any kind of "together" time where they can be free to talk with each other. However, that's far from the truth. A courting couple spends lots of time doing things like sitting together watching a movie, going on walks, working together, playing games, having friends over and so forth. If a couple decides they are not meant to spend the rest of their lives together, then they can go their own ways, and although it still hurts, they will not have given so much of their lives to each other that they will be ripped in half when they separate. Usually however, a courtship does not have to split, because both people have known each other as good friends for a period of time before the official courtship.
Some people will say that if the couple is always around other people there will be no time to be alone to talk about things. That’s not the case however. Many times a courting couple will go on twilight walks together, or go sit on a bench and talk for a while, or things like that. In fact, in some courting relationships, couples can go out to eat or go see a movie together much like a date, but not have to put up false fronts, because they already know each other well.
Any look into today’s divorce rate will confirm my side of the story. A couple dates for a while, falls in love, and then is blind to faults the other has been hiding until they get married. Suddenly, that wonderful person turns into somebody totally different, and things fall apart. Now I’m not going to say that all dating relationships turn out in disaster, and neither am I going to say every courtship-based marriage goes happily ever after. However, the numbers are a lot closer to both of those statements, so why not play it safe and go with the more trustworthy system?
At first it seems like the ‘rules’ of a courtship will hold a relationship down, but really, those ‘rules’ are just wisdom protecting the couple from danger. If a relationship is viewed as a kite, it may seem like the rules are the string holding the kite to the ground. Take away the string and the kite could go up forever right? Wrong. Take away the ‘string’ of wisdom, and the kite will crash to the ground. It’s the same in a relationship. At first it seems that by avoiding the wisdom of setting boundaries a relationship can soar, but before long it will crash to the ground leaving both hearts broken. So why date when I’ll probably just get burned? Instead of wasting all that time when I’m not even ready for a marriage, I can be preparing my life for supporting a family, and just build lasting friendships while I wait. It’s like Christmas, it’s much more special if I wait for that relationship rather than peeking inside all the different hearts, or ‘stockings’ I can find and ruining the specialness of ‘Christmas morning’ or my wedding day.

Hope you enjoyed this little bit of insight! I could go on for a very long time on this subject, but then nobody would want to read it, so I'd better stop here!! May God bless you, and if you are in a relationship now, may He guide your footsteps in the way you should go. There is no one way to have a relationship, every person has different needs, but God will always be there to guide you in that path. Thank-you for reading my blog, good night! (or good morning or afternoon, or whenever you happen to read this... lol)

Ugh...

Yucko.. I'm thinking for some reason I'm getting a cold.. probably from somebody at drill... My throat hurts really bad, and my sinuses are starting to fill up a little... no fun..
well today I put a new stereo in my van :) :) :) the old one was broken and didn't have a cd player anyway.. this one is awesome, it plays pretty much anything.. radio, auxilary, cd, usb, sd memory card... etc.. etc... well, I'm going to go to bed early tonight, and hopefully my sore throat will be gone by morning...